By Frank Back during the spring semester of my senior year, Michelle and I were having difficulties. No, not the difficulties that you are thinking. I didn't want to leave her, she wasn't interested in seeing other people, and I wasn't too busy to pay attention to her. We were going through a conversation "lull" phase - one of the most common problems in long distance relationships. If you are reading this, I think you know what I mean...

Figure 1. A typical conversation in 2008, close to our two year anniversary.


If you have been dating for awhile, this probably sounds familiar. That was our relationship for a while. I would say about 3 weeks of that type of conversation. We simply just ran out of things to say. I felt I knew Michelle well enough where if I said anything, I could predict her response. So why bother talking about that subject? She already knew my schedule, and my life was dull, so why bother asking what I was doing? Our relationship was, well, there just aren't words to describe it. We would have petty arguments that I believe was just compensating for the lack of interesting conversation.

Michelle found an e-book online when she was trying to find topics for us to talk about. It was called 1000 Questions for Couples. After debating about whether she should get it, she went ahead and bought it, and was able to download it immediately. One night when our conversation was lacking as usual, Michelle said that she was going to try this new book she bought. She started whipping out questions that I would never dream she would ask. The categories included:

• Personality, Feelings, & Emotions
• Favorites
• Pets
• Attractions
• Health, Food, & Well Being
• Vacations
• Morals, Convictions, & Beliefs
• Religion & Spiritual Matters
• Car & Driver
• Holidays & Celebrations
• Home & Home Life
• Past & Future
• Hobbies & Entertainment
• Love, Romance, & Date Nights
• Friends & Family
• Communication
• Career & Education
• Money & Finance
• Relationships - Past & Present
• Children & Child Rearing
• Wedding & Honeymoon
• Sex

We talked all night long that night, and continued to use the book for the next few nights thereafter. One question had us talking for an hour! We were talking like we did when we first met: non-stop. There were questions that I don't think either of us would have thought to ask each other.

The key to using this book is to really bare it all. Try not to hold anything back. There might be some disagreements in the answers you provide, but at least you are talking! I mean, try not to get into a screaming match about the answers, just accept the answers, discuss them, explore. You don't even have to stay true to the questions; a question you read might spark a new idea for a whole topic to discuss.

What else can I say? I learned more about Michelle than I ever thought I would, and vice-versa. It filled the empty spaces in our conversations. It taught us how to just talk again.

Whoever thought this very (very!) long list a of questions would have such a profound effect on our relationship and bring us back from that horrible phase of our relationship? We know that if it helped our long distance relationship this much, it can help many others.