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Venassa's Long Distance Story
By Venassa 6/15/2008Hi there. I happen to come upon your website, and it brings comfort to know that I can relate to you in so many ways.
Well, mine is slightly different. My relationship is a cultural one. My Bf lives and is from Vienna, Austria, and I'm living and from Singapore, Southeast Asia. It's a 6hr time difference between, and lets not even talk about the distance...
We make sure we see each other a minimum 2 weeks in a year. (I know it sounds unbelievable...) But we have been going on strong for 3 years (coming 4 years) and we are looking forward to plans to be with each other all the time.
We are both working & studying at our own places; hence, we can't stay together yet. And money is also another reason keeping us apart.
Following are our strategy.... that may be positive advice :)
- Trust. No secrets & no lies. I believe in Karma. So if you do something behind his back, in future, your other half will do it to you too.
- Communication. (Funny enough, I'm the one who has not much to say over the phone...lol) A distance relationship is really difficult to sustain and fragile... Remember to keep the spice over the phone. Distance relationships get boring on a faster level... Always give him something positive to look forward to. If you fill the conversation with laughter, wouldn't he die for more? :)
- Be careful when quarrelling. Never go to bed angry. My Bf and I are like North and South. Different views, opinions, etc. But when we quarrel, we remind ourselves to remain cool and calm in our voices. If we are too mad, we would say, "I'm angry right now. I need 10mins to cool down. I'll call you then." Cos when you are angry, you may say things you don't mean to say. And you wouldn't' want that to happen.
- Money. Big issue. I know it cost big bucks to make things work. But you can always find ways to make it less expensive. :) My strategies...
Firstly, phone/internet calls. I recommend Skype. It's free over the internet, and really cheap if calling mobile phones. And you can also use Jajah, which is an online tool that saves you money when you make calls via your phone. It's the answers to my prayers...
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And budgeted travel plans. The earlier you plan and book, the more you save. Flights are generally cheaper when book earlier, so keep in touch online with the different choices.
And of course, when you spend on making it work, you ought to also make sure you save for yourself. I mean, it's always better for a lady to be independent, and know that she has a cushion to fall on if anything happens.
It's always good to make sure that you're paying your credit (the more you pay up, the less interest you pay, and the faster you clear your debts).
Work an extra job for a short period to help you fix your problems. No one is going to help you. Only yourself.
Save. Putting aside as much as a $50 a month saves you $600 a year without realizing it.
Pay all your bills once you get your salary. So less headaches.
Budget everything. Control your money. Don't let your money control you.
And because you plan your travels in advance, you know approximately you must put aside in order to make sure you maintain your relationship. :)
Plan when to meet. And you don't always have to meet at each other places, you can meet in between! That's what I've done on a few occasions.
So well... that's a few things that's keeping my relationship on going.
However, problems with distance relationship would be opportunities to see growth. Because by being away from each other, makes you appreciate the honeymoon period on a frequent basis. But it's not substantial to realize whether the person is right for you for a long term basis.
So my advice is try to make it work to bring both parties together for some time. Get a place to live together finally. And only by living together, you'll realize whether you want to spend the rest of your life with the other person for real. If you can live with him, it's a good sign.
As for my Bf and I, we are still on a journey. But I look forward to the chance to realize whether it will truly work out with my Bf in the long run.
Cos for some, they ironically work out better being apart. :)
Thanks for sharing and listening...
Venassa
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