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The Longer the Waiting

By Ashley   8/3/2009

We met on a site for teens who needed help with whatever day to day things got in the way and such.

This site had a chat room and I logged into the chat and he was there. We talked about the nothings of the day and the nothings of life along with other members. We would talk occasionally; no big deal. But one day I signed on and I was not doing so well. He started talking to me and we exchanged MSN addresses for more privacy. That day he literally saved my life.

From then on we talked a bit more frequently, on the chat room and MSN. I started to develop feelings for him even though he was hundreds of miles away. He was the first person online that I had feelings for. It was strange. The way he was, it only seemed that he had feelings for me as well.

But one day he was said, "Sorry if you have gotten the wrong impression, but I don't like you like that, you didn't like me like that did you?" My response: "No, of course not.

Needless to say, I was crushed. From then on out we continued to talk occasionally, but not as much. Sometimes we would go a few weeks without talking, sometimes a few months, then we would talk for weeks at a time, then stop talking. It was "binge" talking.

Each time I would fall more and more for this boy. I couldn't understand why.

Then one time we started talking again, about a year later. I finally told him that I did like him, that I liked him a lot. He told me did too. I then asked him why he lied to me, and he said he was just scared. We talked for a while and nothing happened. Then we stopped talking again.

After that, we left each other the occasional MySpace comments and such but nothing serious. We always seemed to be dating someone; either at the same time or whatever. No big deal, we were just friends, but every time he informed me he had a girlfriend my heart seemed to drop.

I learned that he had joined the army and he was on base in the states still. No biggie, we were just friends and such; he had a girlfriend anyways. But needless to say, we talked about our feelings for each other. How we wanted to try things out and how we wanted to meet. It was the first time we talked on the phone that weekend. We had a late night phone conversation while my best friend slept in my room. He called a few nights for a couple of days. All the while I knew he had a girlfriend, but I felt so happy, that he was showing these signs and saying he wanted to be with me.

He said he was going to break up with her, my heart exploded with joy. He did in fact break up with her. But nothing officially happened with us. Then he told me sorry he just couldn't do that to her, he was sorry to get my hopes up and all that. He got back together with her and I was devastated. But I sat back and didn't say a word.

There had never been a day just about since I met him that I didn't think about him. Even when we weren't talking not even the last time he hurt me.

About four months of not speaking to him, I thought about him more frequently. I was thinking about sending him a MySpace message just to see how he was. I knew from the last time we talked, he would be going over seas in a few months and I knew it must have been close. But something was stopping me. But then one day I signed on and behold there was a message from Doug. My heart started beating a mile a minute.

It just asked me how I was doing and that he had been trying to get in touch with me. But I hadn't been on MSN in a while.

Anyways we had talked frequently again, and then we talked again on the phone. He was getting sent over seas in just three weeks. When we talked on the phone, he would read love quotes to me. I just started falling for him even more, but we still were not dating.

I asked him where he was getting the quotes from, he told me that was something only he could tell his girlfriend. I said what a shame, that we would have to find him one.

He then said, "Will you be my girlfriend, Ashley?" And of course I said yes.

We have been officially together since June 18th. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about him more. He has been in Afghanistan since July 11th. It was hard to go from talking to him everyday for three and half weeks to talking to him on the phone only three times since the 11th. We MySpace when he gets the chance, but not that often. It's been about a week since I heard his voice. I know it's only just the start of my military girlfriend status but I know I will be strong. It's hard though, but we will make it. We have a song. We have had it for the majority of the time we have known each other, even while we just friends. It is "The Longer the Waiting" by Josh Turner. I listen to it every day, because I know the longer the waiting, the sweeter this kiss.

He will be coming here to meet me for the first time on his leave. I am nervous and excited. I am not your typical girl and I am afraid because of that.

There isn't a day that I don't send him a message telling him that I love him. I love him more every day. I know its going to get harder but at the same time easier because I know when he is out we will make plans for each other to be together so we aren't long distance. I'm finally able to call him mine, and I will pay whatever price for that, even if it means he is overseas. He feels the same way. We don't talk everyday but when we do, I cherish those moments with all my heart. There isn't a night that I don't sleep with my build a bear that I made to remind me of him. It's a patriotic themed bear with army camo boxers.

I know we will make it through all this and be together until we run our course no matter how long that course might be.

Because I know my love for him is Army Strong.

Ashley



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