Miss You Issues: By Sight & Scent - Long Distance Relationship Advice

Dear Miss U,

I want to write my girlfriend a letter, but she lives in Mexico and I live in the United States. I don’t know what international mailing service to use to ensure my letter gets to her and in a timely manner.

Additionally, I know she loves it when letters are scented with perfume. However, I have not really used cologne before and I would love some recommendations.

Thank you.
L

Dear L,

I’m not in either of your countries, so I can’t recommend the best mail carrier, but hopefully, someone will help you out in the comments below!

Fun fact about Miss U: I don’t have much of a sense of smell. A scent has to be really powerful to affect me at all, so I can’t be like “this cologne smells like fairy farts and everyone loves it” or anything, but I recommend you choose a scent that either you really like, or one you use. If you don’t used deodorant, what about your body wash? Read the bottle and it will often say “manly pine” or “refreshing citrus” so you’ll have an idea what freshly washed you might smell like and you can pick up a little fragrance oil to dab on the corner of the letter (you can get them cheap and nasty from the dollar store, or you can get proper aromatherapy oils from a health food shop). Don’t use body wash or soap? I’m not here to judge! What about your fabric softener? Your clothes add to your personal smell. Again, read the bottle, pick a similar scent.

If none of these things work ask her what her favorite flowers and fruits are, then go to the pharmacist and ask for a recommendation of perfume that smells like those things. You’ve got this! 10/10 for effort!

From Michelle: You can send your letter to Mexico via USPS. It will cost more than a regular postage stamp though, so take your letter to the post office and pay for postage there. At the time of this post, the current cost is $1.15 for a 1 oz letter. If you plan on writing often, consider getting yourself a sheet of Global Forever® Stamps. PS. Frank used to send me letters with his deodorant rubbed on them and I love it. I love Miss U’s body wash idea too!

Dear Miss U,

My boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for a year now. The distance has always been hard on us and it seems to only get worse. Both of us are very emotional people. I’m in college and he is working full time and I had previously said I would come and visit for an extended amount of time over winter break. However, he is struggling severely with money (I’m not doing so well myself, being a college student) and he just started this job, so it would be difficult to get time off to spend with me. I would be stuck spending most of the day at home waiting for him until 8pm. Recently, I told him that I won’t be able to come because I can’t afford it and I would rather wait to spend the money on a ticket when he can get more time off. The problem is he is really upset now. This is yet another stressor added on top of the money stress and our LDR stress. Everything seems to be getting worse. What can I do to make it up to him and make it better? How can I help reduce his stress while still making sure I take care of my mental health?

Stuck

Dear Stuck,

I’m a big advocate of visiting when one partner is working because it’s a truer reflection of what your life together might look like when you close the distance. You’re not always going to be stress-free, cashed up and touring the city; most of your lives together you will be working, coming home to each other, picking up each other’s mood, conversing over meals and snatching the perfect moments as they come.

This said, my solution would be to find a way you can earn a bit of money during his work days and go regardless. Are you crafty? Could you create things to sell online? Can you queue up odd jobs in his area for the period you’ll be there? Lawn mowing, babysitting, seasonal work etc? Seeing your loved one is never a waste of money, even if most of the time together all you are doing is sleeping in each other’s arms.

If you truly can’t wrangle it, make it clear how disappointed you are too. Share that pain together and use it as an opportunity to bond. Perhaps you can sit down and map out your finances together; work on meal plans and ways to save money on bills. If you’ve already done that, maybe you should start planning your next trip, with new dates, right away. Perhaps you can find a time of year with cheaper flights and lock your dates in now – giving yourselves something to look forward to and count down towards.

You might not be able to make it up to him. Sometimes that happens. Disappointment is a part of life. However, a heartfelt love letter in the mail could be a nice surprise or a care package, if you can manage it (still far cheaper than a visit!)

At the end of the day, we can only do what is possible. It doesn’t do us any good to worry about the things we can’t control or change. Letting that stuff go is a learned skill, but try to do it. Remind yourself that you have done and are doing everything you can and give yourself a bit of grace!

Being broke doesn’t mean you love each other less. Remind him of that as often as necessary.

What do you think? Let us know in the comments below!

About the Author

Miss U

Miriam Cumming is a writer, witch, and LDR survivor with more than a decade of trans-Pacific experience. She’s currently living in paradise with her one true love and their three little gentlewomen where she indulges in coffee, tattoos, and World of Warcraft. You can learn more about her writing and LDR success from her blog The Wicce Writes.