Is This Real? Is It Over?

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Dear Miss U,

Ducan and I have started dating. He is 5 yrs older than me and I’m scared that it won’t work. He is in the US and I’m in London UK.

I have feelings for him but don’t have a clue whether he is real because he says he doesn’t have a phone, so we talk over messenger on Facebook.

Please help me I’m so confused about what to do.

Gap in London

Dear Gap,

You’ve been dating a single day, I’m surprised the doubts are getting in so fast! Maybe just enjoy the romance a few weeks/ months and see where it goes?

He might not have a phone but he obviously has some kind of internet enabled device, so have him download Skype or even use the video calling feature that comes with Facebook. There’s more than one way to hear each other’s voices.

With that said, he might not be ready right away. It’s fine to take things slowly; best in fact.

Just be safe: Don’t send him your home address, don’t meet him alone, don’t meet without video chatting first, don’t send him nudes because it’s illegal, etc. Listen to your intuition and try not to overthink it. Young love is supposed to be fun, not stressful.

Dear Miss U,

My boyfriend left for the US last year and we have been in a long distance relationship since.

He made a few trips back but was not very happy during all the trips, especially the last on my birthday. The last straw was when I decided to extend my stay for another month with my company and he went nuts, calling me a liar and that I made the decision without discussing it with him.

He asked for time to be alone; I freaked out at first but gave him his time.

Deep in me, I know it is gone, and it broke me, but waited.

After 2-1/2 months, he said: I have changed, I hope we can change together, but we are not, it is clear now. And since then, we are not talking at all.

I had sent all my stuff to him 3 months before all of this happened.

Are we over?

Dear RC,

Sadly, I think you are over, and perhaps you have been for a while and he was just waiting for an excuse to enlighten you. One month shouldn’t have caused such an over-reaction. It’s understandable he was disappointed, but there’s any number of reasons you couldn’t discuss the extension first.

I’m sorry you got so close to closing the distance only to find out that he isn’t your Forever; I know you must hurt terribly. I hope he is decent about helping you have your belongings returned.

Be kind to yourself.

Dear Miss U,

I am wholeheartedly infatuated with this boy. We have been talking for 3 months and we have been dating for 1 month. He is seriously the most perfect guy I have ever met. He treats me like a princess, knows when to be sexy, and when to be appropriate. He told me he loved me the second week of us talking. He feels the same way I feel about him, so we decided to meet each other for the first time last month, and he is just as perfect in person as he is on a screen.

We spent a few days together and he gave me a promise ring and confessed his love for me. But when we met we went behind our parents’ backs and got caught a few weeks after. Now his parents have my number on a watchlist so they can see what/when we talk and he’s not allowed to see me because they said, even though he is moved out and 18. He said after college he will move up to where I am and live with me while I finish school, before we move and start our life together. That’s 2 years away and I’m already missing him like crazy. How can I make this easier on me? Should I wait the 2 years for forever or should I give it up? Should I try to talk to his parents or leave it alone? Do you think this is worth trying or are his parents controlling our relationship?

Two Years Until Forever

Dear TYUF,

Wait, run that by me again slowly. He’s an adult, not living at home, who saw his girlfriend without permission that he doesn’t need because he’s an adult, and now he is forbidden to talk to you and his parents are monitoring his phone use?

Shouldn’t that be illegal?

I am going to assume that they have control over his phone because they pay for it. The solution for that is him to hand it back and take his independence. That might mean having a cheap rubbish phone for a few years, but I’d consider that a fair trade.

Beyond that, they have no right to stop him from seeing you. If he can’t/won’t stand up for himself/you now, what’s to say he will in 2 years? I don’t think you should intervene with his parents, I think he needs to. Perhaps meeting you will make them more comfortable with your presence in their son’s life, but if not, it’s none of their business anyway.

If he’s willing to meekly accept that he’s just not going to see you for 2 years because his mommy said so, I’d personally say goodbye. There are a lot of times in life you need a strong partner who can advocate for you, and this is a clear demonstration that he can’t.

Life is too short for drama and games. Tell your parents you’re seeing someone (you’re not long off adulthood, they can’t possibly believe you’re not a part of the dating world, or in the very least they would realize the time isn’t far off,) and tell him that if he loves you as much as he says then it’s time to date openly as adults and stop letting your parents dictate your lives.

What do you think? Let us know in the comments below!

About the Author
Miss U

Miss U

Miriam Cumming is a writer, witch, and LDR survivor with more than a decade of trans-Pacific experience. She’s currently living in paradise with her one true love and their three little gentlewomen where she indulges in coffee, tattoos, and World of Warcraft. You can learn more about her writing and LDR success from her blog The Wicce Writes.

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