Dear Miss U,
My boyfriend and I live about 45 minutes away from each other, but he works a ridiculous amount of hours, so we only get to see each other once or twice a week if we’re lucky. I’m still going to school and I always miss him. Whenever we’re together he only focuses on me and work is completely out of his mind, which I like. Only seeing him a couple of times a week is fine, but I just want to be able to talk to him everyday but sometimes he gets out of work really late and he can’t talk and this makes me sad. I just want to know how I can deal with this and how I can talk to him to make this part of our relationship better.
I’m happy to hear that when he’s with you he is 100% present; that’s a big thing! Perhaps on days where you do not see each other he could put in the effort to leave you a sweet voicemail so that you can at least hear his voice, get a little recap of his day, and receive the reassurance that you’re on his mind even when his busy. It would take him less than two minutes (talking is generally faster than texting) and give you something to look forward to each day. You could do the same for him too – and don’t take “I don’t have the time to listen to a message” for an answer. He could save it until he’s eating breakfast or even listen while he’s having his daily bowel movement. It’s not hard to find a couple of minutes for someone we care about, even if it’s impossible to have those moments together in real time. When you talk to him about this be clear about what you need. Say exactly what you mean rather than hinting or hoping he’ll figure it out on his own and use “I” statements. Eg: “I really need to hear your voice each day,” not “You should call me.”
Beyond this, having a worn piece of clothing that smells like him can be incredibly comforting. Perhaps he would allow you to borrow his hoodie for a while.
Writing your feelings down just to get them out might help, or sending your messages by the moon. I’m probably the only weirdo that does this, but when I miss someone I imagine pouring my heart out and that energy flying up into the sky, bouncing off the moon like sunlight and shooting back down to wherever my loved one is. I like to believe they can feel my intent; that unconsciously they recognise that I’m thinking of them. No matter where we are on this earth we see the same moon, and she watches over us.
We are blessed to have people in our lives that are worth missing.
Dear Miss U,
My boyfriend has been living a few hours away from me for 9 weeks now. We have been together 2 years and 2 months, but best friends for almost 3 years. I am in my final year of studying in the uni we both went to and he has started his Masters in London. I am hoping to move to London in July 2018, and then we’ll be together. I am finding it really hard being apart because I’m getting used to him not being at uni whereas he has moved somewhere completely new. I miss him all the time – but I have stopped myself from being needy. But I’ve sent him sexy snaps a few times and he doesn’t always respond to them – is this worrying? I don’t think I’ve got anything to worry about because we talk on the phone almost every day and text intermittently and we have planned visits, but I’m just worried. I’m terrified he’s going to find someone else and get bored of me. What can I do to make sure this doesn’t happen?! He hates using his phone anyway and only really uses it to contact me, and he doesn’t always think of super romantic things to send me in the post or whatever because that’s just him… HELP!!!!
The problem with sexy snaps is you might not be much in the mood when you get them, and so they don’t have the full effect. You have no way to know if it will be sexy or funny or a video of someone’s kitten. Your sexy snap might come sandwiched between a food snap and a video of the crowd at Townhall today. Viewing of snaps might be interrupted and then they are lost forever. Your snap might sit there unwatched for a week (or more if you send it to me, I’m so bad with Snapchat,) and then he might feel a little awkward about a delayed response. There are a dozen reason why he didn’t respond to your snap, but if it was fun to send there’s no reason to stop sending them. If you need reassurance, ask if it’s ok by him and if he enjoys them even when he doesn’t know what to say. If it’s consensual, it’s sexy! Personally, I wouldn’t be worried, especially since he doesn’t like being on his phone.
Just keep being you! He’s in love with you for a reason. Make an effort to keep the relationship fun. Laugh together and keep each other included in your lives as much as possible. Near or far there is always the chance our partners will feel a fleeting attraction to others, but we must trust in our own awesomeness and the investment they’ve already put into their relationships with us to keep them strong.
Don’t let fear tell you nasty lies.
In love and kindness,