Dear Miss U,
I’m in an LDR and it’s crazy how I met my boyfriend – on a video game!! We both love each other so much but the problem is that we miss each other so much sometimes and it hurts a lot. I don’t know what to do. We usually spend all day together texting and we still have to wait for like 2 or 3 years until we meet and that’s a very long time so I really don’t know what to do. It hurts a lot when I miss him. Also, what if I never get to see him in real life? It hurts more to think about that.
One of my good mates met her partner playing a video game (Halo); They’ve been married a year now and recently had their first baby. It’s certainly possible! Another of my friends, who I met through the LFAD forums back when I was long distance myself, met her boyfriend while playing Final Fantasy. It took them five long years to meet, and they couldn’t close the distance right away even then, but now they are ridiculously happy playing newer versions of Final Fantasy in the same room with their dog.
I tell you these stories, and encourage you to look up others because they show you that it is indeed possible. No matter how long you have to wait, how far you have to travel, how much money you need to save up or whatever other obstacles stand in your way, you can do it. In fact, there’s always someone out there who waited longer, traveled farther, or somehow did it tougher. Look to the things that inspire you, surround yourself with support and don’t torture yourself with questions like “what if we never meet?” which only serve to depress you.
What you can do is make your relationship the best it can be. Have fun within and outside of the game world. Challenge each other, laugh together, share your experiences and innermost desires. Help each other grow up, support each others’ dreams and most of all be respectful.
Yes, you’re going to miss each other. There’s no avoiding that. It can hurt. The frustration will make you feel like you are going insane some nights. But you can and will triumph over it; given enough time, patience, and dedication.
When I was waiting to meet Mr. E, it felt impossible. I cried when I first saw his country and mine on a globe and realized how far away it was. It took us more than four years… and yet when I look back, it was such a short period of our lives. We celebrated the day that we had been together in person longer than we’d waited online. One day you too will look back and see that your love story is the greatest of them all too.
Dear Miss U,
I have been dating my girlfriend off and on for about 11 years. About a year ago we reconnected. The problem is that I had since moved to Colorado before reconnecting. I feel that she is sending mixed signals about our relationship. I need some advice as to where to go with the relationship and how to express my concerns regarding the mixed signals to her. I would like to have a healthy relationship with her but need advice on how I can handle my concerns and express them in a positive manner.
Lonely in Colorado
If you’ve dated for eleven years and still can’t have an honest, forthright, conversation with each other there isn’t a lot of hope for success here. To have a healthy relationship you both need to communicate effectively. You need to be able to make yourselves vulnerable knowing no attack will be forthcoming.
I would try, “I am confused, when you say/do _______ but also say/do _______ it makes me question __________ about our relationship. Can we talk about our needs and goals, so I can make sure I’m being the best possible partner I can?”
Speak freely but gently, tell the truth about your needs and feelings for her and if she won’t work with you on the relationship, belittles you, or avoids difficult conversations maybe it’s time to let this one go for good and find someone you feel safe connecting with.
And Lonely? Never forget the compliment sandwich!