Loving From A Distance

Long distance relationships can fail just as easily as short distance relationships can.  It just happens.  This page is for those who have been in a long distance relationship that was unsuccessful, or are currently in a long distance relationship and are having problems.  With every experience, even the heart breaking ones, there are lessons learned.  Here is a place where you can contribute and offer others in your situation a word of advice

• Why do you believe your long distance relationship failed?
• What are some major problems you're having in your long distance relationship?
• What are some things you believe other couples should avoid if they want their long distance relationship to be successful?
• What are some regrets you have about your relationship?
• What were some of the problems you had with your partner?
• What would have made your relationship successful?
• How did you get through the break up?  What helped you deal with the emotional pain?

 ** Please note that these are not the views of Michelle or Frank but of people who have contributed to this page. 

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Try this: Separated and Suffering? 
How to Tell if Your Long Distance Relationship is at Risk

General Long Distance Break-Up Advice from Our Visitors: 

Long Distance relationships are all based on trust, communication, and honesty. Without all of these, they will fail, EACH and every time.

For an LDR to work as well, you need to meet the boyfriend/girlfriend in person before you get serious.  If you've never met, you will truly never realize or understand the person or how they're like either.  Never meeting someone and yet having an LDR doesn't make sense and is HIGHLY improbable it will work.

You need to meet your LDR person also quite often as well, long long long extended times of not seeing your love (such as over 5-6 months), will greatly increase the chance of failing an LDR.  For an LDR to work, you have to be able to completely trust that person, and realize they complete trust you.  Communication is essential too, you should be able to communicate on multiple dimensions and on every issue, from emotional needs and issues, to jealousy and others, to love and affection issues.  You really need to be able to communicate with your partner at all times, and have no worries of what they will think of you (as hard or as impossible as that sounds, this is likely the only way an LDR will succeed).  Honesty is very vital as well for an LDR to succeed).

LDR's are based on trust, but honesty of all actions and one's life goals and dreams, and even as simple as the events of one's day are essential for an LDR.  The chances of an LDR failing with one of these key components missing is VERY high.

Anonymous

Well since my LDR ended I realized that I put more in to the relationship then he did not saying that he didn't care just that he didn't show it enough and it hurts but I'm willing to try a LDR again.

So my advice is if you do a lot in the relationship and you're not getting anything in return then maybe it's not worth it....

Lexy

Always be honest with each other about everything. Never leave out what you might consider to be an insignificant detail because it is not.  When you see each other, make sure to make a HUGE effort so your partner knows that they are appreciated.

Eva

The reason long distance relationships fail normally is due to lack of trust with either one of the people or both, also lack of effort. Effort is everything in a long distance relationship. Jealously is a big factor also in long distance relationships, as you can't be together then you get jealous of the people who are with the one you love. When this starts to get out of hand, that's when things need to end. In my long distance relationship, the guy had crazy jealousy which meant anything I was to do with male friends especially would become something big. When we broke up, for the first time Distance is a welcomed friend. Before the distance was hated, but now it seriously helps moving on cause you never have to bump into each other cause you both have your separate lives. Me and my bf broke up about 7 months ago after two years and I don't think I'm fully over it. But time heals. I hold no resentment now for him breaking it off with me, he lost his trust in me due to cultural differences. Break up advice is concentrate on the good points like freedom. It's important to see friends often, enjoy hobbies etc. Live your own life. Good luck to all long distance relationshipers and the brokenhearted.

Anonymous

Cheating in a Long Distance Relationship: What are the Red Flags?

Did you break up because either you or your boyfriend/girlfriend cheated?  What were the red flags that tipped you off, or ones that you realized after you discovered he/she was cheating?  

I was cheated on in an LDR of 5-6 months. The girl I was seeing was super lovey the night she went out to a party, and then the next day was non-affectionate, very strange, somewhat awkward to talk to, and ignored all my love.  She continued to be like this for several days until I questioned her about it, in which she said so many things (school, work, family) had made her life really stressful and she was no longer "lovey" for that reason.  Realizing this was somewhat an excuse I okay'd it and tried to be there for her to the best I could.  We talked on New Years Day and arranged for her to call me at midnight!  When she didn't pick up her phone on New Years like she had promised too, I knew something was up. The next day no love was returned and she was like a rock.  I called her and asked her to explain, and she admitted to making out with the same guy that Friday night and on New Years day.  I broke up with her instantly.  So, to conclude, when the partner of an LDR girl or boy) suddenly grows cold and or not-lovey, it can be because of other issues or problems affecting their life, or because they have interest in other people . And for me, I suspected the latter and unfortunately, I got burned.

Anonymous

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