Dear Miss U,
I have been going out with my boyfriend for a year on Saturday, he is currently serving in the army so I only get to see him on weekends and leave, we have a place together and we are engaged. When he is at home our relationship is amazing I couldn’t ask for better. I still get butterflies when I know he is on his way home on a Friday and he makes my lips tingle when he kisses me. What worries me is we sometimes run out of things to say when we talk on the phone through the week. It seems to be the same conversation day in day out. Is this a bad sign?
Should I be worried?
– lost in love
Don’t worry, Lost in love, it happens to the best of us.
It’s not a bad sign, but it’s not good for the relationship if it starts to feel routine or boring to the people in it. You do need to find a way to mix it up. Can you do something together? Is it possible to go for a walk while on the phone to share the evening together, or to watch a TV program together every once in a while? Also keep up to date with current affairs. Watch the news, read the newspaper. Talk to him about macro issues, politics, science – things that a lot of people find boring because they don’t understand. Being more educated and in touch with the world has a lot of benefits. I know almost every reader probably groaned right then, but I am serious. You will always have something to talk about, not just together but with other people you meet through the day, and you will learn new things about each other. In addition to this, pay attention to jokes you find funny so you can retell them, remember that odd person you saw on the bus that made you think ‘what the …?!’. Tell him the stuff you’ve been holding back because it’s trivial or random.
But most of all don’t let it worry you. Sometimes our lives are genuinely not interesting for a while, and that’s alright.
Dear Miss U,
I have been dating my boyfriend for two years now, we met in high school, I’m just finishing grade 12 (I know I’m still young but I love him) and he’s 11 hours away, off at university. We spent our two year apart and it was really hard, but this last month has been the worse it has ever been. My worst fear is that he’s going to cheat because he misses being in a physical relationship. We text and we try to talk on Skype almost every night but we’re starting to run out of things to talk about, and then we start getting upset with each because we start talking about our fear of breaking up etc and we almost did break up one night because I was getting paranoid of him. It’s hard to talk about us in general because after having almost two years of being so close, we know everything about each other. So how can I make sure that we keep this LDR fun and more positive? And how can I stop myself from worrying about all this not working out?
Thanks,
– Trouble from 11 hours away
I don’t know why people think I’m going to judge them for their age, but Trouble, it annoys me. No need to justify yourself or anything. If you act defensive you open yourself up to criticism, so be proud.
People cheat. If they are the kind of people to cheat, it’s likely to happen whether they are there or not. People who are happy in their relationships don’t cheat.
If you run out of things to talk about, ask him to look at lingerie online with you. Flirt with him. Get sexual. If you can keep your sex life exciting at a distance, and you fulfill his emotional needs, he’s not going to stray. The most important sexual organ is the mind. Granted, that’s more true for women than men, but it does still apply. Keep him engaged. Put yourself as the center of his sexual fantasies – make yourself available for that – responsible for keeping him satisfied, just as he is required to look after your needs also. A lot of people in LDRs keep their sexual sides just for special occasions; instead I would encourage you to aim for similar frequency as you would have if you were close distance.
Of course he misses being in a physical relationship. What person in a LDR doesn’t? That doesn’t mean he’s going to chase skirts behind your back. Give him the benefit of the doubt, and show him why nothing out there compares to what you have to offer.
Also, resist the urge to focus on your fears and bring each other down. Realize when you’re doing it, and take control. Do things online together, it doesn’t have to be all about talking!
