Dear Miss U,
I belong to a conservative society in India. I am graduating college this year and plan on announcing my relationship at home. But my career plans include me settling abroad, but he is not very sure. We have grown up together, I don’t want us to fall apart. But I also don’t know how to convince him.
Settling abroad can be very scary. It’s daunting; the paperwork, the expense, the planning… it can seem insurmountable. I personally would take a reassurance track; show him you’re planning and how under-control everything is. Make it easy for him by assisting with his paperwork. Help him pursue his dreams alongside your own career goals; if necessary, show him how to plan, how to apply for work or study abroad etc. In short: give him a reason to look forward to moving.
Explain to him too that he’s not giving up his friends and family. You will still be able to maintain contact and visit as frequently as careful budgeting and work allow. And if he really really hates it, he can always move home again. It’s better to regret something you did than to regret not doing it.
Congratulations on graduating and revealing your love to the family. Exciting times ahead!
Dear Miss U,
I have a question regarding LDR. I met my boyfriend from an online game and we got along well. At the end, we jumped to Skype and video called and liked each other since then. Lately, he has said that he feels not as strong as he used to and now only see me as a very good friend. We never met but he said he wants to meet to see if he can bring back his feelings by planning a road trip to EU for 2 weeks in December. What do you think about this? Are his feelings fading due to never meeting and/or he really means it about being good friends only? Thanks!
Sometimes people mistake “getting comfortable” with “love fading.” The whole relationship can’t be the same as the very start. The butterflies, rainbows, anxiety, and overwhelming feelings don’t last. They can’t. Nothing would ever get done! And so sometimes people think that what they had is gone when in reality it’s just shifted to something more stable. Obviously, I can’t tell you what he feels, but I do think meeting is a great idea; it will help you know one way or another whether this is going somewhere.
It’s easier said than done, I know, but try to relax and not over-think it. Whether you end up together or in the friend zone let this be a positive experience. Have fun, regardless of what the outcome looks like.
Dear Miss U,
My girlfriend and I have been dating for 5 months. I care for her so much and she cares for me just as much. She called me the other night and broke up with me. She’s telling me that the distance is too much, I got really sad and just accepted it without argument. It’s been a few days and I’m trying to get her back. I’m broken without her, I’m used to texting her every moment of my day. I’ve texted her every single day since I met her. I think I love her… I’m afraid to say it because I think it’s too soon and she already broke up with me. She said the distance is the only thing that makes this relationship hard. She wants me to have someone I can share chemistry with in person and I want her over that. I’m moving out near her in a few months because of college and she said it’s a long time to wait. I just want her back… she’s my second half… I’ve cried every day since she called us off… please help me.
I wish I could make her see the light, but I can’t. We can’t control other people, we can only control ourselves.
Personally, I think distance doesn’t make sense to break up over; that you want to spend your whole life without your love just because you’re physically not together a few years (or even just months!)? That makes no sense to me. I would spend my whole life wondering what would have happened if I stayed with that person, fought a bit harder, you know?
The truth is relationships are work. Together you would have faced things much more trying than distance, maybe if she’s not ready to face this challenge with you – from within an otherwise great relationship – she’s just not ready for commitment at all. If that’s so, it’s got nothing to do with you.
Out of respect for her as a person, I need to advise you to back off. Whether she truly wants to break up or not you need to honor her words and trust that she’s telling the truth. As hard as it is, stop messaging her. She knows she can get back in contact with you, and that you’re not happy about this separation; she can get in touch if she decides to.
I’m sorry I don’t have any wise words to bring her back or a timely solution to heal your heart, I wish I did.