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He says he lost the feelings he had for me
I’ve been in a LDR for 5 months.
We loved each other to bits. And both of us have said many a times that the other person was the one and we were, and still are, both sure we never felt anything like this for anyone else.
And now he’s broken it off with me. A few days ago he told me the feelings were gone. I didn’t make his stomach flip and his heart turn anymore. About 3 weeks before, however, he still wrote me a long letter about how much he loved me and how lucky he felt to have me in his life and that nothing and no one would ever tear us apart.
But I guess I now shouldn’t question his feelings, if he says they’re gone, he believes this is true and me questioning it will probably just make him feel misunderstood.
Now, I admit that lately our relationship was getting kinda “dull.” We still called every night, but sometimes just had silences. The silences made me feel insecure and eventually we’d just end up having a fight. Also we kinda ran out of new things to do and say. If only I had discovered your website sooner…
When he broke it off with me, he said that if he could press a button and love me again like he used to, he would. I went away for a few days and we haven’t really been in contact much. I wanted to give him some space. Yesterday we spoke on MSN again. It was an okay talk, but we acted around each other like friends do. We did agree to call tomorrow night to talk about things.
Now, I really want to give a go. I want him to feel it all again. But I’m not really sure on how to do that…
Also, I’m kinda afraid that tomorrow he’ll agree on trying it again, but that he really already closed the chapter for himself. And that even if he says he’s trying, he’ll still continue treating me like a friend and that he’ll deny it when he does feel something again. Many questions, many fears. We had something wonderful, but I’m afraid it might be broken forever…
Beau
Michelle says…
Wow, it’s hard when the other person doesn’t give a reason for losing feelings. You didn’t do anything wrong, he didn’t do anything wrong, but he decides to end it. I think it’s odd that not too long ago he was professing undying love and then all of a sudden it is all lost. If he really felt those feelings, I think it may be worth a shot to try and make that connection with him again. He got bored with the relationship, but that doesn’t mean you should give up and throw it all away because you get bored. Everyone gets bored every once in awhile! It’s not something to break up over though.
You said you’ve been together 5 months. So you’re really in that “make or break” stage of your relationship. Around this time the “romantic” phase of a relationship ends and both people become more comfortable in the relationship. You don’t try as hard to impress and the lust you felt in the beginning is not quite so strong anymore. This is where you figure out if you’re relationship is going to be serious or not. Maybe he ended the relationship before it could get serious? Perhaps your boyfriend might have some commitment issues as well and doesn’t want things to be as serious as you would like? That might be something to talk about with him. Either way, I think you need a more honest answer for why he wants to break up. He kind of left you in the dust there.
If you intend to try to rekindle your relationship, make it be known. You don’t want to be trying to get back together with him and being friendly, only to have him mistaken it for you being okay with the break-up and that you just want to be friends like he does.
Tell him how you feel. Tell him you know things got boring, but that you believe that you both can work on it to get back what you two once had. Ask for a chance; a trial period to see if he can gain back is “lost” feelings.
If you are able to get him interested in being in a relationship with you again, don’t stop working to keep your relationship going. And keep in mind that this is a two-way street. He has to contribute some effort as well.
I wish you the best of luck! I hope you get the answers you deserve.
Michelle
Frank says…
If you really want to be with him, and I mean really think it is worth the effort, and feel he is the only person in the world for you, then do what it takes to get him to fall back in love with you. The hardest reason to dispute for a break up is “I have lost feelings for you”. There really is no way you can argue them wrong. Either they have feelings or they don’t. Then, the break-up is due to the lack of feelings, but no one ever addresses the causes of the lack of feelings. Does he feel that there is no spark? What gave him that spark before? Does he feel that you two do not have fun like you used to? What happened before that was fun, and can you do it again, or can you find a suitable replacement?
What I am saying is that you need to find out why he feels it is over. This means you need to talk to him. First, tell him to spare your feelings. You need honesty. You need him to tell you what he really feels because that is the only way you will get a solution. The “I wish I could love you” excuse is pointless. It only makes the situation worse. Either you love the person and want to be with them, or you don’t love the person and don’t want to be with them. So he has to tell you if he loves you, but is afraid of commitment, or he loves you but he knows that he wants to be with someone else. Or, he has to tell you that he really doesn’t love you anymore and he knows it is over, but he was trying to spare your feelings.
It is very unfortunate that you obviously don’t feel that the relationship should be over, but it is. So you have one last chance to get the truth out of him. How he feels, without any dancing around the root cause. There is a chance he hasn’t figured it out, so be prepared to give him some time. But you need a real reason. So, question his feelings, just be sure to not dispute his feelings. He feels what he feels (i.e. if he feels bored and you feel excited, there is nothing you can say that will make him change his feelings, so do not argue about that). Be prepared to listen, and know that this solution might take a few days of talking.
On a final note, think about people you know of have heard about with on again, off again relationships. Do you want to be “yo-yo-ing” back and forth with him and not with him. Really figure out, with him, if the feelings are totally gone, and can’t be brought back, then you two should just end it and keep it ended. Break-ups are tough, but a hard talk and strong conviction can help you two get through it and determine the best path.
Frank
Comments 12
Hi I'm new here and I just want to say that me and my boyfriend we've been dating for four months and yesterday was our four months together. I texted him but something in him tells me that he lost feelings about me and we barely talk to each other. We used to talk more and see each other but since covid hit I didn't get the chance to see him. But I still love him with all my heart. And it hurts that he barely sees my messages and respond later or he never responds me at all. I'm trying to move on without him but I still love him and I want him back but I can't because it's time to move on and focus on myself. I decided to block him in all my social media and see how react without me and knowing about me. We were friends that time as a long time but he decides that I should be his girlfriend and I say yes because we do have connection between us, but not anymore. 🙁 It's breaks my heart that I have to move on without him and not thinking about him but I can't. It's really hard to move on and miss your person that you want to be with. But I guess I should listen to my heart and move on and focusing on myself, family, and work and my friends too.
So I've been dating this girl for 2 years. I'm male from uk and she's female from Australia. It's been two years, we've dated over covid and haven't seen each other in this period. So those two years we really did love each other I mean afterall we managed to last that long so I know for a fact that there was a true connection between us and that we both believed that we could keep it going and that we were meant for each other. I'm currently at uni and have another two years left. However, over the past couple weeks I've realised she seems to be pushing me back, trying to in a way avoid me and not talk to me as much, delay our calls etc etc. So after a week of this I was lkle okay maybe she's busy as she has been this busy a couple times during our 2 years. And then after another week it's still the same so I decide to ask her what's going on, like I feel I'm being pushed back and I feel that the relationship is sort of dying, the communication between us is getting lower and lower and her responses are just being more dull. And she decided to tell me that she has been pushing me away on purpose but never really gave a reason at the time, also said how she felt like she was losing herself in a way, and said she didn't want to talk about it. So I said sure, I can give you some time but like if you're pushing me away and feeling this way then there's got to be a reason and that we really need to call if we still want this relationship to last. She delays this for a couple days until a couple days ago as of right mle that km tyojng this and then tells me that she's lost feelings for me around the time that she started pushing me away so roughly a month ago. She said that she had felt as if she's lost herself and that she didn't know if she could continue loving like this. That the distance was recently getting to her, also the fact that we were supposed to meet each other in December for Christmas period however the glohht got cancelled so that was km her mind alot, and yh, I never really got a solid reason why, she said she she didn't want to push me away anymore as it was just hurting me and her so she said she wanted a break and didn't see any reason in staying together when in a break and so she decided to break up with me. So what I want to know is, is there any chance that I could win her back or anything as it just feels terrible that she's lost feelings what feels all of a sudden whilst I still have this huge love for her and always saw a future with her and then all of a sudden she ends it, feels like she gave up in a way and to be honest I don't exactly understand. I want to give her time to find herself, to let her think, do her for a little while, I guess I'm just afraid she won't want me back even tho she said during our call when she broke up that it wasn't my fault however I can't help but feel that there must've of been something or somethings that I did or didn't do I'm order for her to feel this way. I'm not sure what to do here and I still really love this girl and want to get back with her, it's almost been a week and I'm just afraid that she won't want me back. That her saying that "if we're meant to be we'll get back together some day" was just her trying to make me feel better during our breakup call. And recently I wanted to check up on her and see how she was holding up as to be honest I was struggling quite alot so I asked a mutual friend of ours if they didn't mjnd checking up on them as they did with me when I announced that we had ended to my friends. And basically she apparently said that she knows its kinda bad but she's kind of relived because it was stressful for her and she says she feels bad but at the end if the day she had to go with her gut feeling. And like I can't tell if she was talking about breaking up or the relationship. My mutual friend who told me this didn't know either. And I don't think our relationship was ever stressful, yes she had times when she was stressed over work due to the work load she had at times and I'd always try support her whenever she was feeling down but yeah like I kind of feel like she won't want to get back with me. So what do u do now and how do you guys think I should go around it. Should I give her time like let's say a month or so and then ask to talk to her and see how she's feeling about the thought of getting hack together or what? Would appreciate some help everyone thanks. 🙂
Hello everyone 😊 so I have been talking 2 this guy on and off for 6 yrs ….a lot has been done on both sides good and bad.. Six years later he tells me his feelings isn’t the same and I believe him … so we stop talking for awhile And now we’re back talking… He has apologize for everything that he has Done . Then he sends me a text message and says I don’t wanna hurt you Or Spare your feelings Can someone please tell me what does that mean?
Me and my boyfriend have been together for almost 5 months. We fought a lot hmm around 10 times overall. Yesterday he told me that he has lost his feelings but he asked me to win his heart back. Wouldn't it be unfair because I never give up on our relationship but he did thrice. I do love him but I just want him to treat me the same like I did. Would that even make sense for me? His behaviors also changed and our relationship has turned from warmth to cold. I didn't blame him alone, because I know relationship only works together. I also blamed myself every night and every time when I saw the difference on his text behaviours. I love him so much but now I'm starting to question whether he really lost the sparks and the feelings or it's just he needs time. Yes we are still together but it seems like the warmth is missing somewhere else hmm
My boyfriend just told me tonight in a text message that he is lost .How reply to that's never happened to me before and know what to think about it about.What even makes it hard we daughter together it's leaving in blank
Yesterday my boyfriend told me that he list feelings for me and he is staying in the relationship just for the sake of it. We are together for 9 months, I asked what's the reason he told me he doesn't have a reason and I can't help but blaming myself for this because I think maybe my love was not enough for him, we are in a long distance relationship so we meet once a month, sometimes after 3 months , he doesn't message regularly because he says he's busy with work and he will message me whenever he's free…that day comes after 3-4 days..maybe after a week…I don't know how I can revive the love within him… I never argue with him, always talk chat according to him, I never disturb him otherwise he'll get annoyed… but still I think my efforts were not enough.
Please help me …tell me what can I do to revive the love that is lost from his side
Hi,
My boyfriend and I broke up yesterday. We just started dating two weeks ago, but met last December (about 6 months). I went abroad for a semester, but we kept in touch with each other everyday. We both knew that we want to be in a relationship together, but due to the huge distance, we decided to wait until summer when I came back. It’s summer now and everything was good up until now. He lives in the suburbs while I live in the city, so it is somewhat a distance. We make time to see each other on the weekends, but still it’s hard. Recently, he’s been going through some difficult time at work due to stress and I just found out about this. He also has some anxiety issue and says that our relationship is giving him stress along with stress from work. He also told me he lost romantic feelings for me and he doesn’t feel as excited when we see each other. In fact, he didn’t feel like that when we hung out together the past two times. So, now, we’re broken up and we’ve talked about this on the phone and in-person. We’re still in contact and I told him to give it time to see if long distance is a big factor in ending our relationship. We’re both in college and will be back on campus in August, so I want to make it work and see if long distance is the issue. I really want to be together still, but he says he lost that spark and he didn’t feel it when I kissed him. I don’t really know what to do, but I know I want to be together. Can you give me some advice?
so me and my boyfriend have been dating for about 1 year and 4 months so far and one day he told me he had feelings for this other girl and all I said was "ok" that's it I burst out crying bc I didn't know what to do with my feelings then we talked about it and he said he got over her I don't know how but apparently he did and also he has been acting very mean to me lately and when he does that I get mad then he says he was joking but I don't know he hasn't been texting me as much anymore and I love talking to him and I understand he can be busy but let me know and of course ill give him his space I just don't know what is happening between me and him we want to get married and all that and before he was saying how It is going to happen and all that but now he says that he doesn't know and that it might not happen he has turned so negative but then still tells me he loves me he is getting me confused but I'm too shy to talk to him about
Hi, my girlfriend and I were in the progress of pursuing this relationship. We’re long distance by the way. Her in England and myself from Malaysia. Both of us are girls. Just about two months ago we started off as friends and soon we discovered that we were having feelings for each other. I have never felt so strongly about anyone before and the same goes with her, it was the best rare feeling that sparked. We have many common interests and we could click together on almost anything including discussions during our deep talks and also have emotional connection. Overtime the relationship just slowly became more and more dull. Til the extend where I could feel her becoming more less spoken and on some occasions we’d have arguements over small misunderstandings. And about last Friday (27/10/2017) she told me that maybe we should take a break as she just thinks that maybe it would work from there when we come back from the break. And so I agreed. At the same time we gave each other a rather short time for personal space. During that time, I had reflected on a lot of things including realising what might have caused us to grow distant. And I’d like to admit that while being with her, I was still so held back by the impact of my ex-girlfriend who had hurt me really badly from the previous relationship. Don’t misunderstand, I have indeed let go of my ex it’s the impact that had affected me that held me back, thus developing my mistrust and overthinking issues towards the current relationship and towards her. I tried so hard indeed to fight of these issues (had even thought of her to be someone who’s going to hurt me like my ex did, even a friend of mine had to tell me that she is nothing like my ex at all and that I should really trust her) because I was and still am head over heels for this girl. Like I just know it that she’s the one. And just this morning today, after I’ve sent her a video of me explaining about what I had reflected in during the period of personal space. I’ve told her that during the personal time, it has trained me to learn to trust her and change for the better to mend our relationship. The next thing a she told is this “ the video is very sweet and I can see that you mean everything that you say. It means a lot to express how you feel. I feel so awful now because I realise how much you care for me. But I just don’t think this will ever be how you want it to be. I don’t think we should pursue this relationship, but I would like to still be friends. I know you trusted me and expected so much more of me but I can’t help how I feel. I’m so mad at myself now because I would of loved it to work. You’re a wonderful person and so lovely and nice. And anyone in the world would be incredibly so lucky to be with you. I just don’t deserve you, you deserve someone so much better”. After that she continues to tell me that she doesn’t have feelings for me when just about two days ago we still tell each other that we both still do have feelings for each other. I’d like to admit that if by any chance that I can get her back or to even reignite her feelings again I really would because there is absolutely nobody else that I can share the same spark I have with her. Plus we had made plans to even finally see each other next year as I have finally graduated from school. I would like to tell her and maybe even beg her to give me another chance. Because I will always be in love with her and nobody else. But I can’t help to understand why she would tell me that she had lost feelings for me without telling me the reason. I will appreciate it if any of you would take time to give me some advice on what I should do so that I won’t let her slip again. I am so in love with this girl that I know for the impact she has on me will never make me get bored or fall out of love with her.
Sincerely,
Aileen
My boyfriend told me his feelings weren't as strong as before but he is willing to give it a shot to see what can we do about it. I am terrified that he is going to leave me. He says it's the age gap issue, how his career is important, I get that but i really don't want to lose him. We've been dating for 3 months and we've met twice. I love him to death. He is so unlike my previous relationships. He is amazing but I really am panicking now that I know this. I am devastated and I can't stop from blaming myself for all of these things happening.
This is about the guy that I've been chatting for four years, after a long conversation he revealed suddenly that he has girlfriend. It's hurt 'coz I'm almost falling for him, but overtime I know life must go on for me. After telling me he's in a relationship I lose the spark with him anymore. Only we have so much good memories to remember. He's kinda confusing, coz eventhough we fight at times he told me he can't forget me and he can't stop contact with me. At first it was so painful to hear, coz he's my only inspiration I ignored lots of guys because of him hoping that if I only look up the positive out look in life and makes effort everything will tend to happen. But it's tiring now.
Well me and my boyfriend broke up and we where together for 5 months and he said he losted feelings and that he was tried of arguing but I thought the arguing made us stronger. He smoked weed and I made him stop because I wanted him healthy and I didn't like it, but I guess he didn't see that but I made him choose weed or me and he choose me but 2 months later He broke up with me and I don't know. Why?? His mom and mine got in an big argument and his mom told my mom he would not come back over my house and he's 16 and we thought u could be 16 to move out your parents house but it's not…. He told him mom he was moving out so he could be with me but then his mom came and got him and he was crying and saying he loved me that he didn't want what was happinin come between us and that I was the only person he wanted. But when he got home he changed, and he broke up with me. He said he losted feelings but before he left me house he said he loved me and was crying. But then 48 hours later he said he didn't love me anymore or that he wanted nun to do with me but I don't know why. It wasn't his parents because they said we could still date but he ended it. He's telling others people I stopped him from doing what he liked meaning (weed) it's been 6 days know from when we broke up and he said he's over me and that he wants nothing to do with me. But I don't know why???? He says he doesn't think about me.