Miss You Issues: A Little More Action - Long Distance Relationship Advice

Dear Miss U,

I have been dating for 10 months and it has been completely long distance and now that we are approaching a year we are trying to figure out how to move to the same city. He is more than willing to make the move to me however when we started dating I had begun a job search because I wanted to live somewhere else. For this reason, he said he would wait until I got the job I applied for so we can make moves. I just found out that I did not get the job. We have not seen each other in 2.5 months and we are in serious need of a recharge. This has prompted a lot of conversations and one being he doesn’t feel comfortable moving to me when I hate my job and I have been trying to leave. He doesn’t want me to be somewhere I hate but I can’t fathom going without him here with me any longer. So I guess my question is should I stop searching for a job and just deal with what he calls “Hell on Earth.” He does not want me to be miserable and I love him for that but this long distance is getting harder and harder with every month.

Love A Million Miles Away

Dear LAMMA,

If he moves to you while you’re working at Hell on Earth Inc. you are only going to bring the stress of working there home to your relationship, which will be damaging in the long run. It’s also a waste of money for him to move to you, only for you both to then move somewhere else. Worse, what if he landed a job he loved in your town, and then you’d feel obligated to stay while the resentment and jealousy gradually ate away at your love.

It doesn’t seem worth it to me.

It makes more sense, in my opinion, for you to move to him or to just have a visit and then keep looking for work. You need to keep the end-goal in mind here. When you look back on this period of your life an extra six months of distance isn’t going to seem like a big deal. You might even wonder why you thought it was so bad at the time.

Hold on for one more day. And then one more.

Dear Miss U,

I have been talking to this guy online, he’s from France and I’m from England. Recently he came and stayed at our family home for a week. It was the best week of my life! Both of our families know about each other which we are both happy about. But the thing is now we are back to Skyping each other every day and it feels different. I don’t know how to explain it but it feels like I am talking to a friend (not my boyfriend) because in real life you have the romance and can touch each other and just be with each other but online you can’t do that and it feels weird. Don’t get me wrong I am still crazy about him! But I don’t know what these feelings mean and I’m a bit confused and I am having trouble figuring them out. So I hope you can help me with figuring it out!? Thank you in advance. : ) .

Jewel

Dear Jewel,

It sounds to me like you need to step up the intimacy of your long distance portion of the relationship. It’s easy to assume that because you can’t physically touch there’s going to be a portion of the relationship that just doesn’t exist, but that isn’t true. These needs still have to be addressed.

How to replicate those interactions differs with the comfort and creativity of each couple. Some people have teddies wearing their significant other’s shirt for snuggling and breathing their scent. Other couples rely on role-playing or games of “What would you do to me if I were there right now?” You can touch yourselves together, sexually or non-sexually. You can write or record stories detailing scenes where the two of you are together. And of course, you can go on Skype dates.

To the best of my knowledge, people don’t do Skype dates with people who are just friends. There’s a level of corniness there that people generally don’t want to admit to, except with the person closest to their heart. So get dressed up, coordinate your dinner (yes, you can still manage this with a time difference. Pancakes, for example, are equally great for breakfast or dinner!) Pop some popcorn, count to three and click start on your movies at the same time. And if you’re really keen, leave Skype running and have a “sleepover.”