Dear Miss U,
Me and my boyfriend have been together for a year now and before summer we decided that after the summer one of us will move. Currently we are both out of school. Neither of us wants to move to each other’s country (I live in Estonia, he lives in Norway). We are both scared to move but being away from each other is crushing us both.
What should we do?
Liisa
Dear Liisa,
Moving internationally is a big thing – especially when you’ve only been together a year. But you can’t be long distance forever if you want this relationship to develop further. I recommend not worrying about things like not wanting to live in each other’s countries permanently right now, don’t worry about the long term and settling down, but find a way to abide together in any financially-viable country for a decent period of time (aim for a year) to see if this relationship is going to be worth uprooting your lives for. I think it’s best if both of you spend some time living in the other’s country. It will help you better understand each other and any cultural differences you may have.
To reiterate – focus on being together, not where you are together. Live together a while and then see what your goals (both mutual and personal) are and where you could best serve them. Talk about moving to a third country together. Talk about why you both don’t want to move? Are you just scared? Because once you do it, the fear goes away. Don’t let being afraid stop you. Are you worried about not seeing family and friends? If so, recognize that maintaining relationships with those left behind needs to be a priority – not just on your time, but of your joint finances. Yes, joint. It is not the sole financial responsibility of the person who moved to save up for visits home. The person they moved for needs to add their support.
Sometimes relationships require us to do things we don’t want to do. There are a lot of things life requires of us that we don’t want to do. But think of the opportunities we’d miss if we only stuck with our own narrow perceptions of what we want.
Dear Miss U,
How can I toast a girl?
How can I make a girl love me for who I am not because of my money?
How can be with a girl for long relationship?
How can I know a girl who loves me?
How can I attract a girl to my side?
How can I have a girl who is always eyeing me?
How can I get to hold on my girl when she is not happy with our relationship?
~ Badoo
Dear Badoo,
You’ve asked me for veritable guide to life here and given me no information to base my advice off. What I can tell you is, life doesn’t work like that. Women do not work like that. There is no formula, no simple answer or easy fix. But you have been with your girl for six years! Surely the relationship would not have survived if she didn’t love you and wasn’t attracted to you?
As to your questions:
How can I toast a girl?
You can’t. Girls must be eaten raw.
If you meant how can you trust a girl, then the answer is that you trust women in the same manner you trust men. We are all human. Treat her like any other human and you will do fine.
How can I make a girl love me for who I am not because of my money?
Contrary to popular belief and what media will have you believe, the average girl isn’t interested in your money. She isn’t going to sacrifice the happiness she could have with a partner she genuinely loves just to have access to your wallet. But if you’re really worried about it, don’t tell her you have money. Dress down, rather than opting for designer brands and don’t carry a lot of status symbols.
Talk to her about her attitudes to money and find a girl with strong work ethic who is obviously happy to work for her own.
How can I be with a girl for long relationship?
You’re already doing this. But for readers who aren’t, there is no “how”. There’s no one thing you can do to guarantee your relationship will last until old age. You live every day as it comes and maintain that relationship every day. You nurture it and each other and eventually days turn to weeks and weeks pile up and become years.
How can I know a girl who loves me?
You will know a girl loves you because she will tell you. You will be able to see queues in her body language, and her affection will be displayed in how she treats you.
How can I attract a girl to my side?
Be yourself. Be confident, respectful and enthrall her with intelligent conversation. Listen to her when she speaks. Treat her as you expect to be treated.
How can I have a girl who is always eyeing me?
Ask your girlfriend what she finds attractive and if you too find those qualities admirable to possess, work on that. Generally, if you have good personal hygiene and a good personality, someone out there will find you physically attractive. “Always” is fairly well impossible however. No one is going to find you irresistibly good-looking all day every day. Outside stresses, fluctuations in hormones and libido, fatigue and familiarity all impact on your attractiveness to others.
How can I get to hold on my girl when she is not happy with our relationship?
How do you know she is not happy? What is making her unhappy and can you fix it? Most people are generally willing to endure some discomfort if the outcome will be worth it but no one will be content to remain unhappy indefinitely, so if the two of you can’t resolve your relationship issues at least put in place a plan which will get you closer to your mutual goals. You cannot hold onto her, happy or unhappy, you can only be your best self so she will want to stay.
