Dear Miss U,
I met this amazing guy on a cruise this past February. We instantly fell for each other. We only live 5hrs apart so we try to see each other every other weekend swapping turns. We get along perfectly but I worry because we haven’t spent more than 4 days together. I have recently graduated from college and have a temp job which is about to be up. I have nothing holding me down where I currently live except for my lease. I am seriously considering moving up to where he lives because he is still in school. I just don’t know if it’s too soon. I am thinking of moving up there in August or September to give me some time to make sure this is what I really want. FYI- I would get my own place or hopefully find a roommate. I just need an outside opinion. Is it too soon?
– Katie
Dear Katie,
Only he can tell you if you moving into his area would make him feel pressured or like the relationship is moving too fast; but from my point of view it’s a good idea to take advantage of not being tied to your area. Give yourself a couple of months to think about it, that’s a great idea, but don’t miss this opportunity just because others might consider it “too soon.” Life is for living now not later! Life the life you want to live today.
Dear Miss U,
I’ve been dating this guy and we have been skyping and talking on KIk. He lives in Texas and I live in North Dakota. We don’t know how to tell our parents because we met off of MeetMe. My mom and stepdad doesn’t like me using that site. So I don’t know to tell them because they ask me “How did you meet him?” He keeps talking about driving to Pennsylvania (where I’m moving to in a couple months) to come see me. But like I said I don’t know how to tell my parents about him WITHOUT mentioning how I met him. Can you please tell me how I can tell them?
– Brina
Dear Brina,
As much as you’d really rather not, I’d advise you to be honest. Secrets like that are the kind that come back to haunt you. Even after being together a decade or more people will still occasionally ask you how you met. Generally you’ll be able to say you met online and leave it at that, but you’re probably right about your parents asking for more information. The thing is, if you want your parents to take this relationship seriously, if you want respect and the freedom to continue, then you need to stand accountable. Obviously they have made it clear to you they don’t like you using that website, which tells me they know you use it or have in the past so it shouldn’t surprise them.
You’re a minor. It’s your parents’ job to be up in your business, protecting and guiding you. That can really cramp your style, but it’s a mark of maturity to be able to own up to doing something you know will be disapproved of.
Dear Miss U,
I’ve been dating my boyfriend Miguel for several months and when I started seeing him I knew he would be graduating and leaving soon and went into with the idea that it would just be a fun fling for now. Well we ended up falling in love and this is the best, healthiest relationship I’ve ever had. I know he loves me and it’s very much mutual. Problem is he’s graduating and moving 14 hours away in a week and we agreed to just do the distance. Are we crazy for trying to make a serious relationship work when we’re both so young? I have one year of school left and have no idea what goes for me after graduation and he already has a job lined up hours away from where I’m finishing school. Trust isn’t an issue but I do feel that out of sight out of mind is a scary factor.
Basically should we call it quits while on good terms or try to do the distance?
– Madison
Dear Madison,
“Out of sight, out of mind” is an old saying easily counted with another old saying: “absence makes the heart grow fonder.”
I don’t feel that you are that young, certainly not too young to have a successful LDR. But, let’s say you did call it quits; would you be able to move on? Could you both date other people, wholly giving yourself to that relationship, or would your heart still be fixated on him? If you think it would be easy to cut loose, then you’re probably not invested enough to survive a long distance relationship anyway.
I don’t see a reason to end the relationship prematurely. It’s better to try and fail than to fail because you didn’t try.
Dear Miss U,
In August 2011, senior year of high school, I fell in love with the foreign exchange student in the class below me. Due to issues with his host family, he ended up living with me within 3 months of dating. I went to Spain to meet his family after graduation, I was certain I would marry him. I had to come back home in June to start college and he still had a year left of high school in his country but we decided to stay together. In August 2012 we pre-emptively broke up because even though we loved each other, teenagers make mistakes and if one of us cheated, it would be over forever. But we could get past a “break”. I hurt him emotionally trying to get over him because we didn’t stop talking; we tried to be friends. I reached out in December 2012 and he said that he had just met a girl. I got very upset but still tried to be his friend. I made his family a quilt for Christmas because I love them and when it arrived at his house he put it on his bed, which was not my intention. In January it got too hard so I ceased communication to try and move on and we haven’t spoken since. He and that girl have been together for almost a year and half now. He deleted all of the profile pictures we had together but I have recently seen pictures of him through my family of him wearing clothes that I bought him. I still dream think about him frequently & I wonder if he does. I want him to be happy above all & its fine if he loves her. I could go see him next summer. Do you think I should?
– Fell for a FES
Dear Fell FES,
I think it would be best for you to contact him and assess your welcome rather than just planning a visit. It’s very hard to see a positive outcome from this situation, and I think you need to ask yourself what you hope to achieve from entering his life again. There is a lot of potential for heart break in this situation. I don’t think you should, but I also know given the same situation, I certainly would.
