Dear Miss U,
I’ve been dating my boyfriend for 10 months. After being together for about 7 months he found out he was getting deployed for 9 months. When he first left we talked all the time and FaceTimed. As of recently, he started doing online classes and I work a lot. Now, when we do get a chance to talk, we bicker a lot and argue. As time goes by we try to not let little things bother us but it is becoming a reoccurring issue and I feel as though he has his life over there and I mine. It feels like we are both trying and we are still in this rut. I’m worried this distance will tear us apart and I’m not sure what to do anymore… [read more]
Proceed With Caution: LDR Boyfriend Asks for Gifts and Other Red Flags
Dear Miss U,
…This most recent visit was a little unusual; I told him I needed to abstain this time due to a medical issue, and he was going to cut the 3-day visit short because he “had things to do.” I asked him to please say for the whole time, and he said no. The next day he said he would stay for the whole time, which he did. He asks me to pay for things and once he said he wants me to buy him gifts. He has given me nice cards in the past but that is all. He is a flight attendant so he flies here for free. He keeps saying that he will “stay longer/ stay for a week,” but he actually stays for 1 to 3 days. Am I wasting my time? [read more]
You’re Not A Tree
Dear Miss U,
In high school, I dated a guy for about 6 months. He was from Colorado originally so he would always go back there for breaks. When he was gone I was so miserable because I missed him. I ended up breaking up with him because he cheated on me and ever since then I swore I’d never do a LDR again. Fast forward 4 years later, I have been dating my boyfriend for 1.5 years and we are in a LDR. He is from NY and I’m from MA but we both go to school in NY, about an hour apart from each other. We really only see each other once a week and during breaks, we’re lucky if see each other. I thought I would get used to it but I haven’t. Him, on the other hand, only knows LDR and I try to explain to him how much I hate it, but he always says, “We’ll get through it, we’ll get through it.” I love him, but I’m afraid that when it comes time for jobs, he’ll find a job outside of NY and we’ll have to continue the LDR. I don’t know if I can do that or want to do that but I don’t want to break up with him either… [read more]
Divorce is 50/50
Dear Miss U,
…We’ve been having issues for a while now which we started to fix one by one, but until now he still doesn’t seem to put much energy into our relationship and he just blames it on circumstances. He can play his games for so long, but when I wanna chat and tell him about my day, he just gives 1-2 word replies so it makes me feel like I can’t talk to him about my work or my day. When I try to ask him he just says he’s been doing the same things as usual. I’m so lost because sometimes he does seem to want to do things with me like stream shows together, but it’s hard to feel really connected when I can’t even converse properly with him… [read more]
It Takes Two
Dear Miss U,
My boyfriend lives in another country, about 3 hours by plane. When we’re together it’s all great, and before he started working, we never had a perfect LDR communication, but at least I could reach him all day long. I know he loves me and really cares for me, I trust him completely. The thing is, ever since he started working, we get to talk for two hours in the evening (he works from 08.00-20.00) and in those hours he also has to see his friends and do his sports and stuff. I end up looking forward to the weekend so much, but although I seem to need more communicating, he is not really good with texting etc. In the weekends, where he has the day free, of course, he wants to go out and do things. But I want to talk, and Skype, and catch up. On the whole week. I totally understand that he needs some fun after working all week. But I also need to get enough of him… [read more]
Sparking Reconnections
Dear Miss U,
…In one flirty conversation, he mentioned how it’s clear we click as friends but we can’t know if there’s any sexual chemistry until we meet, which is true, but when I just came out and proposed having a short meeting in his country (coffee date type thing) he simply says we can discuss it when he gets back home and we need to be specific. I asked him what he meant, seeing as there’s a slight language barrier but he never responded to that and no real messages since then. I don’t know if I should have waited before I proposed this, but what gives with this behavior? Even if we just click as friends, if I’m offering to come there what’s with the hesitation? Could he be blowing me off or do you think he’ll want to discuss like he says? [read more]
Learning How to Love
Dear Miss U,
I tell him my problems and he listens and I trust him. The only thing wrong is that I feel he’s only with me because he feels bad. I go through a lot of issues and I usually rant to him about the issues. A lot of guys try asking me out or hitting on me, and most of the time he doesn’t care. He simply tells my friends I can take care of myself. Yes, he is very supportive over text but in real life, he tends to be less expressive with his emotions. Whenever I tell him my problems and it’s not over text he says there’s nothing he can do about it… [read more]
Finding Security
Dear Miss U,
My girlfriend and I have been dating for a strong 9 months now, and she hasn’t given me any reason to lose my trust in her by any means, but she is a BIG party gal. With her going into her first year of college, I am already aware of several parties that she will be attending, and they’re big drinking ones too. The love I have for her is out of this world, but I can’t help to think of all the possibilities if she is intoxicated. I’m scared she’ll forget about me, and flirt with other men, and or DO something with other men… [read more]
Radio Silence
Dear Miss U,
Lately, my boyfriend has been putting less effort into our relationship like he used too (I get the “romance phase” and I miss that stage, to be honest) before LDR and even after we had a routine of us giving each other call. I’ll mention it to him but he says he’ll “do better next time.” I always have to call him. The only time he’ll text me first is when he texts “Good morning.” I have to initiate or he may not (I feel like he won’t). [read more]
How to close the distance faster? / Can you really just be friends after a break-up?
Dear Miss U,
My ex-girlfriend and I (also a girl) broke up due to long distance. She lives in Europe and I live in the US. We lived together while she studied abroad in the US for a semester and that’s when we fell in love. We tried to make it work after she left, but we were both so depressed, unfaithful, and crazy when apart. Seeing each other only once or twice out of the year wasn’t going to be enough. I get that. It’s been 5 months or so now since the break up and I’m still not over her because when we were in person, it’s so easy and perfect. It was my first relationship and she was the first person I ever fell for. We want to stay friends because we became really important in each other’s lives but it’s so hard for me to only see her as a friend… [read more]